An obituary is more than just an announcement – it’s a way to honor a loved one’s life and legacy. To write a meaningful obituary, focus on these five key elements:
- Basic Information: Share the full name, birth and death dates, age, and surviving family members. Avoid sharing sensitive details to protect against identity theft.
- Life Story Highlights: Highlight major milestones, career achievements, and personal accomplishments.
- Personal Details and Relationships: Reflect on their character, values, and the relationships that made their life special.
- Lasting Impact: Showcase their contributions to the community and the legacy they leave behind.
- Service Details: Include funeral or memorial information and ways to honor their memory.
Writing an obituary is a chance to celebrate someone’s life, not just their passing. Keep it accurate, heartfelt, and respectful while sharing stories and moments that capture their essence.
Basic Information
Required Details
An obituary begins with accurate biographical information. Be sure to include:
- Full name, including maiden name if applicable
- Date and place of birth
- Date and place of passing
- Age at the time of death
- Names of close surviving family members
- Details about funeral or memorial services
“Nearly 800,000 people a year are specifically targeted after death, because no one’s checking their credit reports. With details gleaned from an obit, crooks can often purchase or figure out the person’s Social Security number to fraudulently open credit card accounts, apply for loans or even file tax returns to collect refunds.”
To protect against identity theft, avoid sharing overly specific personal details. Here’s how:
| Information Type | Safe Approach | What to Avoid |
|---|---|---|
| Family Members | Use first names only | Full names of relatives |
| Military Service | General branch mention | Specific unit numbers or details |
| Education | Name of institution | Graduation dates or degree info |
| Birth Information | City and state only | Full birth date and location |
Once you’ve gathered the basic details, focus on writing in a way that reflects the person’s life and personality.
Writing Style Guidelines
“Tailor the tone to reflect the deceased’s personality.”
Follow these key principles when crafting the obituary:
- Accuracy: Double-check names, dates, and other facts.
- Clarity: Keep the language simple and easy to follow.
- Respect: Be mindful of the family’s wishes and avoid sensitive topics.
- Protection: Avoid sharing personal details that could be misused for fraud.
To further safeguard the deceased’s identity, notify credit bureaus, the Social Security Administration, the IRS, and any financial institutions. Additionally, secure or memorialize their social media accounts to prevent misuse.
Life Story Highlights
Major Life Events
Focus on key moments that shaped their life story. Rather than strictly following a timeline, highlight the events that best reflect their journey and values, while being mindful of privacy.
| Life Event Category | What to Include | What to Emphasize |
|---|---|---|
| Family Foundations | Marriage, children, grandchildren | Unique family traditions or cherished values |
| Educational Journey | Schools attended, major achievements | Influence on career or life decisions |
| Career Highlights | Roles held, contributions to organizations | Leadership, mentorship, or standout achievements |
| Military Service | Branch, honors, or awards | How service shaped their character |
| Community Impact | Volunteer work, leadership roles | People helped and meaningful changes made |
These moments help paint a clearer picture of their life and passions, setting the stage for deeper insights in the next sections.
Work and Personal Life
When discussing their career and personal interests, aim to capture the essence of who they were. As Priscilla Martel puts it:
“You are really memorializing these people for eternity. It’s an opportunity to craft something that is really about who they are, more than just a collection of milestones, military service, education, professional career and family”.
Go beyond listing achievements – explore the human stories behind their success. Did they lead transformative projects? Build meaningful relationships with colleagues? Contribute to a positive workplace culture? These details bring their professional life to life.
On the personal side, include hobbies, passions, or special traditions that defined their character. Their legacy often lies not just in accomplishments but in the way they touched others’ lives.
Influence on Others
A well-crafted obituary focuses on how the individual lived and the impact they had. As Jane Lerner explains:
“An obituary doesn’t need to be about how someone died but about how someone lived”.
Share stories of mentorship, community service, or acts of kindness that reveal their character. Linnea Crowther, news editor at Legacy.com, adds:
“Some of the most beautiful obituaries are ones that don’t follow a standard formula”.
Capture their personality through unique anecdotes – whether it’s organizing team events, offering support during tough times, or always prioritizing family despite a busy schedule. These small but meaningful details help celebrate their individuality and lasting impact.
Personal Details and Relationships
Character and Personality
Think about the qualities and values that made them stand out. Paint a well-rounded picture that captures both their professional achievements and the personal traits that made them unforgettable.
| Aspect to Cover | What to Include | Examples to Consider |
|---|---|---|
| Core Values | Principles they lived by | Integrity, compassion, dedication |
| Daily Life | Regular habits and routines | Morning walks, Sunday family dinners |
| Unique Traits | Distinctive characteristics | Signature phrases, memorable gestures |
| Personal Style | How they presented themselves | Classic suits, favorite accessories |
| Special Interests | Passionate pursuits | Book collections, gardening expertise |
“Readers want the highlight reel: a snapshot of who your loved one was beyond the usual details.”
Including these elements helps create a vivid and heartfelt narrative.
Stories and Memories
Share moments that truly reflect their personality and values. Look for defining events or habits that demonstrate their kindness, resilience, or unique traditions. These stories help bring their character to life.
- A moment that highlights their principles or beliefs
- An example of how they made a difference in someone’s life
- A quirky habit or tradition they held dear
- A challenge they overcame that showcased their strength
Verify the accuracy of these stories by consulting with multiple family members. As Emma Goss, a freelance reporter in the Bay Area, suggests:
“Deliver it like you’re writing it to their husband or wife or best friend. Tell them something (positive) that they may not have known.”
These memories naturally lead into the relationships that shaped their life.
Family and Friends
Using personal anecdotes as a foundation, reflect on the relationships that defined their life. Highlighting these connections not only honors their legacy but also captures the depth of their bonds. For inspiration, consider how The New York Times crafted Yogi Berra’s obituary:
“He married his wife Carmen in 1949, and the marriage endured until her death in 2014. He is survived by their three sons – Tim, who played professional football for the Baltimore Colts; Dale, a former infielder for the Yankees, the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Houston Astros; and Lawrence Jr. – as well as 11 grandchildren and a great-grandson.”
For blended families, handle descriptions with care and authenticity. Acknowledge all meaningful relationships while being sensitive to family dynamics. Include:
- Immediate family, such as a spouse, children, parents, and siblings
- Step-family members who played important roles
- Adopted family members, treated equally to biological ones
- Extended family, summarized broadly (e.g., number of grandchildren or great-grandchildren)
If family dynamics are complex, focus on celebrating the positive connections rather than listing every detail. As noted by Beyond the Dash:
“An obituary is a chance to celebrate the life someone shared with the people they loved.”
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Lasting Impact
Community Work
Showcase efforts in volunteering, charity, and local involvement that made a difference.
| Impact Area | What to Include | Key Details |
|---|---|---|
| Volunteer Work | Organizations and roles | Duration, achievements |
| Charitable Causes | Supported initiatives | Regular contributions |
| Mentorship | People influenced | Programs, outcomes |
| Local Involvement | Community groups | Leadership roles |
| Professional Service | Industry contributions | Committee work |
“Always remember that an obituary is used to celebrate important life milestones and achievements. It is not a time to brag about every accomplishment the deceased had.”
Next, include formal honors that highlight these contributions.
Awards and Recognition
Choose awards that reflect the person’s values and the difference they made. Here are three examples of meaningful recognition:
- Janet Mary Marasco was honored for her work on government projects in 1992 at Bell Laboratories (AT&T) in New Jersey.
- Kenneth Amile Anderson was inducted into Greek Peak Ski Resort’s Program Advisor Hall of Fame in 1986 for “helping to introduce thousands of people to the sport of skiing”.
- Susan “Sue” Hamburger received the Mid-Atlantic Regional Archives Conference Distinguished Service Award in 2015 for her contributions to MARAC and the archival profession.
These recognitions set the stage for a heartfelt personal tribute in the memorial message.
Memorial Message
Building on their achievements, the memorial message should reflect how their actions touched others’ lives.
“Deliver it like you’re writing it to their husband or wife or best friend. Tell them something (positive) that they may not have known.”
Incorporate details such as:
- How they motivated or inspired others
- Values they lived by
- Traditions they created or upheld
- Positive changes they brought to their community
- Life lessons they taught through their actions
The memorial message should celebrate their influence and honor their memory in a way that feels personal and genuine, capturing their essence through the eyes of those who loved them most.
How to Write an Obituary that is Meaningful, Respectful and Heartfelt
Service Details and Final Notes
This section combines practical information with a heartfelt farewell, ensuring a respectful tribute to a life well-lived.
Funeral Information
| Information Type | Details | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Service Type | Memorial/Funeral/Celebration | Include any cultural context |
| Date & Time | Day, date, arrival time | Mention all scheduled events |
| Location | Venue address, room/chapel | Provide parking information |
| Additional Notes | Dress code, photos | |
| Virtual Access | Livestream details | Include support contact info |
“Consider adding the funeral venue’s phone number to your invitation, so that guests can direct questions about directions and parking to them instead.”
Make sure to include RSVP instructions and contact information for any questions or clarifications.
After sharing the service details, you can also suggest ways to honor the memory of the deceased through meaningful contributions.
Memorial Donations
When mentioning memorial contributions, do so with care and respect:
“The family kindly requests that, instead of sending flowers, donations be made to [Charity name].”
Provide the charity’s name, a donation link or address, and explain how contributions will honor the deceased’s legacy. Focus on the purpose and connection to their memory, rather than emphasizing monetary amounts.
Closing Words
With the service details and memorial contributions outlined, conclude the tribute with a final farewell that reflects their life and impact. A thoughtful quote can capture their essence:
“Life is eternal, and love is immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.” – Rossiter Worthington Raymond
You might also include a favorite saying, a reflection on their influence, or a note of gratitude from the community. These personal touches leave a lasting impression and honor their spirit.
Summary
Writing an obituary is a delicate task that requires accuracy and a personal touch. A well-written obituary combines factual details with heartfelt elements to celebrate a loved one’s life. Focus on five key components – basic information, life story, personal details, legacy, and service details – to create a meaningful tribute.
| Element | Purpose | Key Consideration |
|---|---|---|
| Basic Information | Announces and identifies the individual | Double-check all dates and names |
| Life Story | Provides biographical context | Highlight major accomplishments |
| Personal Details | Brings out their personality | Share touching anecdotes |
| Lasting Impact | Captures their legacy | Mention contributions to others |
| Service Information | Offers practical details | Clearly outline service details |
“Obituaries act as public announcements both to notify people of the event and to provide details in case the reader wants to pay their respects.”
To ensure your tribute is both accurate and heartfelt, follow these steps:
- Collect input from family and friends for diverse perspectives.
- Double-check all facts to avoid errors.
- Add personal stories or traits that reflect their individuality.
- Use warm, respectful language to honor their memory.
This checklist will help you craft a tribute that is both thoughtful and memorable.